A client recently asked me “What are the steps towards responding to someone when you are triggered emotionally by them?” They wanted clarity on how to handle their emotional triggers when someone hits a wound.
Learning how to not react emotionally to every wound that comes up is so important. It is important towards creating happiness and peace. It is also important towards maintaining a high vibration so you can manifest what you want into your life.
These steps will not only help you, but it will help all of your relationships because you will learn how to respond to people vs engaging in the negativity which leads to fights, arguments and disagreements.
- KNOW WHERE YOUR WOUNDS ARE
This is extremely important because if you do not know where your wounds are then you can never know what triggers you in life. If you have absolutely no clue go off how you feel in that moment. If you are talking to your friend and she says something that begins to bring up defensiveness in you then examine that. If you cannot do that in the moment take a minute to cool off. Once you have cooled off ask yourself how did what this person say or do make you feel? Always asking yourself “how do I feel? The more you ask that question the more answers that will come to the surface.
A story will always come up and keep digging into these questions. Two important questions to ask yourself is “How do I feel?” and “Why do I feel that way?”
Once the story comes up you will start to understand not only what triggers you but where that trigger comes from. Most often what comes up after digging is the feeling that someone does not care. Usually people will say “she/he doesn’t love me” or “she/he doesn’t care.”
One of the first things you should do is try to change your story. Ask yourself “Is that really the case?”
I see this so often in relationships where a partner or spouse will do something that hurts the other person and that person immediately jumps to “they do not love me.” When do think that thought ask yourself “is that the truth? Do they really not love you?”
A lot of the time what people are feeling is neglect or abandonment. Once you can get to that route of where these feelings come from you can begin trying to change your story. That story is always going to keep you feeling like shit. Maybe your partner got distracted, maybe they were busy, and maybe they were sick. Maybe they were hunger or in a bad mood and it does not always excuse the behavior but it takes yourself out of it because it had nothing to do with you. Those stories feel better than “they don’t love me.”
When you come to your partner with that story you are not coming with anger, negativity or defensiveness but instead are coming from love and curiosity. This allows the other person to tell their story without you already having the truth made up in your mind.
Once you are in this state it allows you to let someone speak on how they were feeling. It also give you the chance to tell someone how what they did made you feel and what you need from them in return going forward.