You want others to see the evil. You want others to see the manipulation. You want others to see the pain and abuse you had to go through.
Since this person is very good at playing a character you want to expose them for who they really are. You want others to see all the dysfunction and mistreatment you experienced. Since they know how to appear like a “great guy” or a “sweet girl” it can often frustrate the victims of narcissistic abuse.
You do not want people to see them as this false image they pretend to be. It would help if others could see what you have seen which is a hurtful, abusive, selfish, manipulative, controlling person.
While it is completely valid that you want others to see this person for who they really are, the reality is some people may never see the narcissist like you have seen them.
The reason why is because the narcissist does not have the same relationship with others as they did with you. Your dynamic with this person was different. The only person who will see the abuse, dysfunction and manipulation is another victim.
If you really want others to see the narcissist for who they are here is what you must do.
KEEP BEING WHO YOU ARE
Do not turn into a bitter or angry person. That is not you. Move on from the abuse and keep being who you have always been. Do not worry about the smear campaigns. Do not worry about what the narcissist and what they are saying to other people. Remember anyone that knows you knows who you are and they know what really happened between you and the narcissist.
When you want something to happen so badly and try forcing it, it almost never happens. When you let go of the NEED of it happening that when you will start to see results. Trust the process of life.
Trust that others will see what you see and even if some never do that has nothing to do with you. For your own sake, happiness, peace and contentment LET IT GO!
Remember forgiveness and letting go is for no one but yourself.
WORK ON YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
If you are ready to expose a narcissist you better make sure you have worked on yourself. What you are about to go up against is not a normal person. You know what this person is capable of, so having a strong sense of self is essential before getting in the ring with this person.
Make sure you have fully healed all of your internal wounds. Since the narcissists knows where your wounds are they will trigger you and cut you at your knees if need be. They do not play fair so you must be aware of this going forward.
Be ready for the low blows, be ready for the verbal attacks, be ready for the abuse you are about to get after what I am about to say next.
SET BOUNDARIES AND ENFORCE THEM
This step is simple and to the point. Learn how to set boundaries and most importantly enforce them. We already know that a boundary means nothing to a narcissist and that is why enforcing your boundaries is critical in this process.
Boundary setting will be the thing that will eventually expose this person for the abusive manipulative person they are. Narcissists do not like boundaries and the more you start putting up barriers with this person the more they will not like it. It is very much like a child. If you say no to a child (especially a spoiled one) they will react poorly. They will cause a scene, stomp their feet and become difficult to handle. This is no different with a narcissist because a someone with NPD did not developing at a certain ago so emotionally they are still a child.
Now when a narcissist does not get there way, before prepared for backlash and extreme abuse.
LEARN HOW TO RESPOND vs REACT
The best advice you will hear from me is that learning how to respond to a narcissist is one of the greatest lessons you will learn. If you can learn how to do this with a narcissist then you will be able to do it with any other button pusher, manipulative bully or emotional abuser in your life.
RESPONDING TO A NARCISSIST DRIVES THEM CRAZY BECAUSE THEY WANT THE REACTION. THEY FEED OFF OF THE DRAMA AND NEGATIVITY. IT MAKES THEM FEEL IMPORTANT. THEY NEED THAT TO SURVIVE.
Just like positive supply such as enablers feeds their inner emptiness, so does negative attention. That is why responding vs reacting is an amazing and healthy thing to learn because it defuses the narcissist. They do not know what to do after this.
They no longer have anything to hold against you or anything to expose you as the “crazy” one. When you no longer fight what they are saying it is not only freeing but drives them crazy which is what you want. It also teaches you how to detach emotional from an abuser.
When you respond vs reacting you no longer look like the irrational person but actually the healthy one. Your need of wanting to expose them for who they really are is no longer a desire in your life.
Remember when you respond, set boundaries and enforce them the narcissist does not know what to do with themselves. They do not like that and will expose their true colors all by themselves.
HOW DO THEY EXPOSE THEMSELVES AFTER ALL OF THIS?
They expose themselves by displaying child-like behavior when they do not get what they want from you. When you no longer give them attention and fight back. When you have learned how to set boundaries and enforce them will the narcissist finally begin to expose who they are to others.
This is when the harassment, threats, manipulation, verbal abuse, etc. will start to happen. What has happened is you have created a Narcissistic Injury in the narcissist. You have bruised their fragile ego and now the narcissist wants you to pay. They want you to suffer because you are no longer giving them what they want.
Now while this abuse may not be something you want to voluntarily sign up for their behavior will eventually expose themselves to others because they are not healthy and capable of respecting boundaries and not getting what they want.
You just keep holding onto yourself while all of this is happening.
Practice self-parenting, love yourself, keep at your boundaries and enforcing them. Practice not fearing confrontation with this person and standing up for yourself. Disengage from the abuse when it happens. Respond do not react even when they say the most hurtful things and cut you at your knees.
Once you understand that their behavior is about them and they are nothing more than a wounded sad little toddler you will see that these “hurtful” behaviors are just own tantrums. This begins to help you manage your own self when you are around this person.