Understanding what an emotionally abusive relationship entails is extremely important. It is about manipulation, projecting, gaslighting, verbal abusive, passive aggressive behavior, condescending remarks, guilt, using shame and much more. Being involved in an emotionally abusive relationship can cause numerous mental breakdowns and lead you to ask the question “How can I get out of this relationship?”
Here is what you must do to leave this relationship.
DECIDE TO LEAVE
Often times this is the hardest step because what you are about to do makes it real. The thoughts and events that follow this decision are hard to cope with and it is normal at times have self-doubt about what you are doing. It is easy at times to think “maybe they can change” “I don’t want to break up my family and marriage” but in order to get what you want you have to accept that you will never get it form this relationship and be able to take this important first step!
You have to be ready to do this. If you are not 100% committed to leaving and freeing yourself you will stay stuck. You will resort back to old ways and believe when this person tries to gaslight you or shame you into staying.
Understand you have been the giver in this relationship and it is time to do something for yourself. You cannot save this relationship alone. You cannot fix this person. You cannot make them see what they are doing. This is about accepting them for who they are and moving on.
It takes power to leave. It takes strength and courage and a lot of faith. You are not helpless and you deserve better than what you are getting in this relationship.
You deserve to be creating an amazing life for yourself and perhaps your children. This moment does not define who you are. You define your life and what you make of it. Make it something you are proud of.
Often times both men and women cannot just leave their relationship. They are financially dependent on their spouse, have businesses together, houses, etc. it does take time to separate your lives from one another. In this step you are claiming your freedom both financially and physically.
THE BACKLASH AFTER THE BREAKUP
Often times the abuse gets worse before it gets better. The abuser struggles with letting go but eventually they do. The backlash will be your test. A test of your own self-worth, self-respect and mental toughness. How much do you truly love yourself. You might hear the most hurtful things you have ever heard. You may hear threats, guilt, manipulation, verbal abuse but you have to remember all of the work you are doing on yourself is the prep for this test.
INVEST IN REBUILDING YOURSELF
Chances are regardless of the amount of time you were with this person your level of confidence in yourself or even the ability to really know yourself like you once did is gone. After leaving or in the midst of leaving you are essentially in a rebuilding phase.
Since the abuser was pretty good at making you feel less than and abusing to the point that you have anxiety, panic attacks, depression, etc. this phase is about healing. Whether you decide to go to therapy or hire a coach you have to be ready and willing to open up any windows that will help you heal those internal wounds that the abuser created in you.
This is a rebirth for you!
You have to be willing to do the work. The truth is nothing you ever do for yourself will have as much of an impact on your life and your happiness then this process of self-development and rebuilding!
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH YOUR TRIBE
You have to surround yourself with people that love you unconditional and remind you of who you are. They know everything that you have been through and will be able to sit in a space for you when you need it. This part is just as important as self-discovery and learning to love yourself because after going through what you have been through you need to be around healthy, loving people.
Sometimes the abuse and hurt you have endured runs so deep that it could prevent you from ever really trust another person again. Healing and surrounding yourself with people that show you that there are good people in this world can make those frightening nights not seem so bad. Trust in yourself and your ability to handle this hurdle you are facing and know..
The sun will shine again! It never rains forever!