I often hear from people dealing with a variety of issues. Some are trying to heal from their past, while others are focused on building their future. Some seek inner peace and happiness, while others desire a boost in confidence.

Whether you're exploring topics like narcissism, emotional abuse, boundaries, or simply learning to maintain a positive inner dialogue, there are fundamental life skills we all need to practice to navigate this wild ride called life.

The sad truth is, mental health isn't something we're taught as we grow up. We don't learn how to calm ourselves when fear strikes, how to push through our fears to reach our goals, or how to keep that inner conversation positive, motivating, and inspiring. These are essential skills to master before we step out into the big, bad world.

How to Become Healthy!

Most of us didn't get everything we needed during our childhood. We might have received sprinkles of love here and there, but we didn't learn how to carry that good stuff into our adult lives.

Remember when you were a kid, and mom would hold you tight until you felt safe? Or when dad would pump you up with empowering words when you thought you couldn't do something? Now that we're grown up, how do we make use of what they gave us, or didn't give us?

Let's dive into four life skills that we all need to give ourselves. This is called self-parenting, and it's how we become mentally and emotionally healthy. It's the foundation of good mental health.

First things first, we've got to acknowledge our feelings and thoughts. To do that, we need to be mindful. We have two types of thoughts: conscious ones and sneaky unconscious ones. When we bring mindfulness into our lives, we start having more conscious thoughts. We're aware of what's going on inside our heads, and that's when we can choose what we want to believe.

Now, here's the kicker: as adults, we're in charge of ourselves. Your boss, parents, partner, or kids are not responsible for how you feel. It's not their job to make you feel better, though they can be a fantastic support system. The bulk of those warm and fuzzy feelings? That has to come from you.

Yes, you're an adult now, but you're still responsible for that inner child inside you, carrying all those insecurities, wounds, and fears. To take care of that little one, you must acknowledge how they feel.

STEP 1

Validation, my friend, is where the magic happens. It's like giving yourself a big high-five for feeling all the feels. Seriously, you've got to let yourself ride the emotional rollercoaster. There's no room for judgment here, no siree! Those emotions bubbling up inside? They're like messengers from your inner child, and they've got something to say.

To build that trust within yourself, you've got to be like, "Hey, it's okay to feel this way." No shaming, no guilt trips. Just pure acceptance of your emotions. It's like telling yourself, "You're allowed to be human."

And here's the thing about validation: it's not about saying, "Oh yeah, that thought is absolutely right." Nah, it's more like, "I see you, thought. I understand why you're hanging around." It's a way to connect with your own feelings and with others. It's like offering a comforting hand and saying, "I get it, and it's okay."

And let me tell you, it's one of the healthiest moves you can make for yourself and the people around you. Instead of shooting down someone's thoughts or feelings, try to get where they're coming from. It's like flipping a switch from judgment mode to understanding mode, and it can make all the difference in your relationships.

STEP 2

Alright, let's dive into this whole "detaching" thing. I know, when you first hear the word, it sounds like we're trying to unplug from reality or something. But it's not about ignoring your thoughts or pretending they don't exist; that's not what we're about here.

Think of it this way: Detaching is like realizing that your thoughts are kind of like clouds passing by. They're there, but they don't define you. And that's where the real magic comes in.

Because if you don't detach from those unwanted thoughts, well, they can turn into a runaway train of doubt, worry, stress, and fear. And nobody wants that, right?

Here's the scoop: That thought you're wrestling with, it's not really your creation. It's like a hand-me-down from your younger self, that inner child who picked up stuff along the way. It's like finding an old toy in the attic; it's from a different time and place, not what's going on right now.

Once you get that, you're ready for the next step: Parent Mode. Picture this as you being your own superhero, swooping in to save the day. You can chat with that thought, boost its morale, mend it, and guide it through. It's all about giving yourself the green light to feel without holding back, and giving your thoughts some room to breathe.

Here's a cool exercise: Write down that thought, then jot down what's really bugging you - the actual fear, worry, or stress. Don't hold back, let it all out. It's like having a heart-to-heart with the little you inside, letting them spill all their worries and struggles.

Now, here's the kicker: Step away from that journal for a bit. Go do something else, like take a walk, pet your dog, or make a cup of tea. Give your mind some space to chill.

When you come back to it, read it like you're reading a message from a stranger. You've emotionally untangled yourself from those thoughts, so you're not feeding their fire anymore. It's like being your own counselor, a buddy who's there to help you out. This gives you the headspace to take care of yourself with logic, love, and reason.

And guess what? With enough practice, you won't need to stop everything during the day for this exercise. It'll become second nature, like a mental superpower. You'll be in tune with your feelings, and you'll know how to give yourself the support and love you need, no matter what life throws at you.

Remember, you can't go from zero to sixty all the time. So, maybe focus on one step for a while. Maybe it's getting in touch with your emotions or practicing mindfulness. Or perhaps it's being a little less hard on yourself and giving yourself the gift of validation. Wherever you start, you're not just doing it for yourself; you're setting the stage for healthier relationships all around you.

Because here's the real deal: To have a healthy connection with others, you've got to start with yourself. When life gets tricky, you've got to be your own emotional superhero, and this whole process? It's your secret weapon to not just survive but thrive. So, go out there, my friend, and be your own superhero!

STEP 3

Alright, when it's time to hit pause and take a breather, think of it as your mental time-out. We all have those moments when our thoughts are on an endless loop, right? Well, this is your way to break free from that thought cycle.

So, step away for a bit. Do something completely different. Take a walk and enjoy the fresh air, or how about turning up the tunes and dancing like nobody's watching? Maybe it's a perfect time to dive into that book you've been eyeing. The idea is to shift your focus away from those pesky thoughts.

When you come back to your thoughts, imagine you're reading a stranger's diary. It's like you're putting on a new pair of glasses, looking at your thoughts from a fresh perspective. By doing this, you're kinda like, "Hey, thought, I see you, but I'm not letting you drive the bus anymore."

Now, with some practice, you'll become the Jedi Master of your own emotions. You'll be so in sync with your feelings that you can handle whatever curveballs life throws your way. And here's the sweet part: you won't need to do this whole exercise all day long. It'll become as natural as breathing.

Oh, and remember, no need to go from zero to superhero overnight. Take it one step at a time, like a weekly challenge. Maybe this week, you're all about diving into self-awareness and getting cozy with your emotions. Or perhaps you're already the author of your own life stories, but you tend to be a bit too harsh of a critic. Wherever you start, just know that you're not just doing it for you; you're planting the seeds for better connections with the folks around you.

Because here's the juicy bit: To truly thrive in the grand adventure of life, you've gotta be your own emotional MVP. This process right here? It's like your trusty treasure map. It'll lead you not just to survival but to shining bright.

So, get out there, buddy! Practice these skills, and in the process, you're giving yourself and the world the gift of healthier relationships. Believe it—you've totally got this!

A helpful exercise is to write down the thought, then jot down the real fear, worry, or stress you're feeling. Let it all out. Let the inner child inside you share all their concerns and struggles.

What I want you to start practicing is seeing those thoughts coming from someone or something else. They are not coming from "you." They are coming from your past.

They are not real, they are just left over unhealed traumas you've been thrugh.

Work with Me 1:1 – Transform Your Life Today!

Are you ready to break free from self-doubt, unhealthy patterns, and emotional struggles? My 4-Week Self-Parenting Course gives you the essential tools to build unshakable mental and emotional health. You’ll learn how to rewire your inner dialogue, heal from past programming, and step into your most confident, empowered self.

This course will help you:
✔ Process and regulate your emotions
✔ Establish healthy, fulfilling relationships
✔ Set firm boundaries without guilt
✔ Raise your standards and reclaim your worth

What You’ll Learn:

🔹 Week 1: Understanding Your Childhood Programming
🔹 Week 2: How Your Attachment Style Affects Relationships
🔹 Week 3: Building Emotional Strength & Resilience
🔹 Week 4: Mastering the Self-Parenting Process

Let’s start your transformation today!