8 Things Narcissists Say to Cut You at Your Knees
Sep 03, 2024
Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can be incredibly challenging, as they often use manipulative language to undermine your self-esteem and control your emotions. Here are eight common phrases narcissists use to cut you at your knees, along with insights on how to respond and protect yourself.
- "You’re too sensitive."
This classic line is a hallmark of narcissistic manipulation and gaslighting. By labeling you as "too sensitive," they deflect responsibility for their hurtful comments and make you question your own feelings. This tactic aims to make you ignore your emotions and refrain from addressing their behavior.
How to respond: “That’s fine if you think that, but that’s not what we’re talking about.”
- "You need to toughen up."
Narcissists often dismiss your struggles and emotions by telling you to toughen up. They view compassion as weakness and believe you should be stronger, which is a reflection of their inability to provide emotional support.
How to respond: “I see that you do not know what to do when I’m struggling, so I’ll get support somewhere else.”
- "No wonder… no one likes you, your ex didn’t want to marry you, you’re always fighting with your friend."
This is a deliberate attempt to chip away at your self-esteem by targeting your insecurities and vulnerabilities. By blaming you, they hope to erode your confidence so you'll be more susceptible to their manipulation.
How to respond: “It stinks that you cannot see my point of view and how that person made me feel.” Then, protect your thoughts and feelings from them.
- "You look stupid doing that or wearing that."
This tactic aims to undermine your self-esteem and force you into a mold of their making. Narcissists may be perfectionists or overly concerned with appearances, and they use this criticism to elevate themselves at your expense.
How to respond: “Why do you care so much what others think? I know you’d like to put me in a box because you care what people think.”
- "You always take it the wrong way."
When a narcissist refuses to acknowledge their lack of clarity or alignment between their words and actions, they often accuse you of misunderstanding them. This is a bid for sympathy while they continue to disrespect you.
How to respond: “I can see another angle to this. Can you also see how I could take this personally?”
- "Ok, relax, you’re getting worked up."
Narcissists often accuse you of overreacting, especially when their erratic behavior triggers your anxiety. This statement is a way to deflect attention from their actions and make you feel unreasonable.
How to respond: “You’re actually right. I am going to own how I feel just like I know you will do in the future.” Holding onto your self-awareness is a win.
- "It’s no big deal, grow up, learn to let things go."
By minimizing your distress, narcissists make you feel like your feelings are irrational and overblown. This tactic helps them maintain their sense of superiority and control, making it harder for you to defend yourself and easier for them to manipulate you.
How to respond: “I acknowledge that this is a big deal for me, and it’s something I need to address.”
- "Let’s concentrate on the positive aspects."
This phrase shifts focus away from their hurtful behavior, making it seem like there are no real problems in the relationship. It’s a way to avoid accountability and keep you feeling powerless.
How to respond: “I understand the importance of positivity, but we need to address the issues at hand for the sake of our relationship.”
Understanding these tactics and preparing responses can help you maintain your self-esteem and set boundaries. Remember, your feelings are valid, and seeking support outside of the narcissistic relationship can be crucial for your well-being.
