Are you being love-bombed?

May 20, 2022

Love bombing is a common manipulation tactic, one that is especially used by narcissists. During the love bombing phase, a narcissist will shower you with "love", including compliments, gifts, and want to spend all their time with you. They will be quick to push an emotional connection. Someone who is love bombing wants to give you those intense emotional feelings early on as a way to manipulate and control you. Narcissists have a whole cycle where they will idealize, devalue, and discard their partner. The idealize phase is when a narcissist love bombs their partner. In the devalue phase, the narcissist will pull back on the love bombs and begin to gaslight. The discard phase is when they find their partner to be "lacking" and discard them. But this is a cycle, and you can be thrown back and forth between the idealize and devalue phase before being discarded. Then once they discard you, they can push their way back into your life by putting you in the idealize phase and use love bombing to bring you back into the relationship.  

 

Love bombing is meant to mislead us and pull us in, and because we are receiving all this “love,” it can be hard to figure out if we are experiencing love bombing or not.  

 

So what does love bombing look like exactly? 

With love bombing, you can hear certain phrases such as: 

"I just want to be around you all the time." 

"I like to check in on you because I miss you." 

"I worry about you and like to hear from you." 

"I love you so much." 

“We’re meant to be together” 

 

Love bombing tactics include: 

  • Excessive compliments 
  • Extravagant gifts 
  • Grand gestures 
  • Quick introduction to important people in their life 
  • Quick to commitment such as marriage or moving in together 
  • Always checking on you 

 

And at face value, these sound pretty great. Someone who compliments you, lavishes you, and wants you to this level. However, this isn't what it seems. These are tactics that are meant to pull you in, get you hooked on them, and quickly build that emotional attachment to them.  

 

What should you look for? 

Here is what you should consider if you think you are being love bombed. 

 

Behavior 

Take a step back for a second and look at your relationship and this person. Do you find that this person gives you excessive attention, compliments, and are expressing that they have strong feelings for you? Are they always wanting to be around you, talk to you, and check in constantly when you are not together? Do they expect you to always keep them updated but never reciprocate? Someone who is love bombing you will give you intense and excessive attention. They will want to quickly get you to commit to them even though you have known each other for a relatively short time.  

 

Time 

Once you look at their behavior and the relationship, you need to consider the length of time it took to get there. How long before they said that they loved you? Six months? Three months? The second date? How long did you know them before dating? Is there a sense of urgency from them? Do they “know” you’re the one and want to start your lives together? Time is a big sign here because a narcissist will shower you with love bombs and push for that deeper commitment early on in the relationship. 

 

Boundaries 

How is the person with your boundaries? Boundaries are extremely important and should be respected in relationships. You are allowed to expect a certain level of privacy, even from your partner. Do they make you feel guilty when establishing or enforcing boundaries? Do they make you feel guilty for not being as dedicated, interested, or emotionally invested as them? Do they guilt you when you don’t do the things they want? 

 

Love bombing can be extremely detrimental to your mental health and have lasting effects even after the relationship ends. Because love bombing is a manipulation tactic, it is also used as a way for narcissists to learn and eventually manipulate your insecurities. When we are love bombed and build these intense emotional connections, it is hard to see the abusive behaviors and instead focus on the validation and love that they give us, even though it is fake.   

 

What can you do? 

Trust your gut. If you feel that things are moving too fast or that something feels off, trust that feeling. If you're not sure of what is happening, seek support. Go to someone that you trust who won't be biased, and talk to them about what is happening and your fears. Love bombing is a tactic that is used by narcissists, abusers, and manipulators. If you find that, yes, this person is manipulating or abusing you, then leave. Reach out to your support network and remove that person from your life.