Why Finding the Right One Takes Forever
Sep 25, 2024
Finding the right partner can often feel like an endless quest. Many of us have experienced the ups and downs of dating, the fleeting excitement of new relationships, and the heartbreak of ones that didn't work out. So why does it seem like finding the right one takes forever?
GROWING, CHANGING, AND HEALING TAKES TIME
One of the main reasons finding the right partner takes so long is because personal growth takes time, especially after coming out of a toxic relationship. You need to heal; you cannot just jump from one relationship to the next (although a lot of people do). Each relationship teaches us more about ourselves—our needs, our boundaries, and our non-negotiables. As we evolve, so do our criteria for the right partner.
Sometimes, we need to go through several relationships to understand what truly matters to us. This inner work involves understanding and processing past experiences, learning from them, and gradually rebuilding trust in oneself and others.
DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
When you haven't done the work on yourself, you won't know what you want in a relationship. You'll focus more on external things that aren't important and not enough attention on true interconnection and compatibility. This happens so often when coming out of a relationship. You either go for the total opposite or you repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
FEAR OF SETTLING OR PICKING THE WRONG PERSON
Unfortunately, this is another terrible side effect of not being healed. You will make a huge laundry list of what you want next in a partner, and some of it may be solid and some of it may not be important, but you're trying to find perfection. This notion that you want the “perfect person”, or your soulmate is your way of trying to avoid pain. Yes, you want high standards, but you also need to be realistic—everyone is wounded and will come to the table with some sort of baggage.
You want to find a person whose baggage does not hurt you nor interfere with your relationship. No one wants to settle for less than they deserve, and this fear will keep you searching longer than necessary. It's crucial to find a balance between not settling and being open to imperfection.
STRUGGLING TO BELIEVE IT EXISTS OR TRUSTING IT WILL HAPPEN
Here is another area where a lot of people struggle when dating and looking for the right person. They will either struggle in one of two areas, or maybe both: struggling to believe that this person exists or struggling to trust that it will actually happen. While both of these may sound similar, they are very different. The first has to do with self-worth; the second has to do with trusting in life, God, source, energy, or the universe that you will be delivered the relationship you desire. The second more so has to do with wanting what you want right now and not feeling comfortable in the waiting.
TIMING
The old saying goes, “It will happen when you least expect it.” That saying exists because it is about timing and letting go of when it needs to happen. When your energy is in lack and fear that it may not happen, you are not living in trust. This makes the process harder and take longer than it should.
Whatever you want for yourself does exist—it's a matter of you getting into alignment with it so it can manifest in your life. This is true for relationships and anything else you want for yourself.
THE INFLUENCE OF SOCIAL MEDIA AND DATING APPS
While dating apps and social media have made it easier to meet potential partners, they have also created a paradox of choice. With so many options available, it can be challenging to commit to one person. This constant comparison and the idea that there might be someone better out there can prolong the search and create a sense of endless dating.
The person who thinks that they're solely going to meet the love of their life on a dating app is just as much of a fool as the person who wants to meet them the old-fashioned way. It’s all about your energy. Being open to experiences will not only help you enjoy the process of dating but also align you with the right person.
I’m not saying it will happen online, and I’m not saying it won’t happen the good old-fashioned way. It is more about your energy around both experiences. You should never put all your eggs in one basket. Be open to different experiences and people and let go of the need for it to happen right now.
