4 Ways to Tell You Have Met THE ONE!Dec 02, 2020
Here are the four things that must be present in order to know if you are with the right person or not. It is not hard to spot the wrong person, but it can be hard to spot the right one, especially when you have no idea what a healthy relationship should look like.
1. YOU SHARE THE SAME VALUES AND BELIEFS
Your values are what you believe are essential.
What do you think is necessary for your day to day life?
How do you live your life?
- Do you always tip 20% to your waitress, or do you believe 10% is OK?
- Do you think women should be home raising children and not have a career?
- Do you believe eating dinner at 6:00 pm with your family is essential, and you will do anything to make that happen?
- Do you believe you as a couple should shut down technology at night to connect, and are these things a priority for you?
- How do you want to live your life as a couple?
- Do you want to live in the city, or do you want to live in the country?
- Are you a spiritual or religious person? How do you handle stress, and how do you take care of yourself?
- Understand that who you are is what you will attract. If you are coming from lack and fear, you will settle for what is around vs. waiting for what you want.
2. YOU CAN BOTH OWN YOUR STUFF
To find a healthy person, you must be healthy. To be healthy, you must be willing to take full responsibility for yourself: your wounds, your projections, everything. When two people can come together and own their stuff, you know you have met a healthy person. Even when you are both being “human” and mess up. If both people can still come to the table, own their stuff, and understand where their partner is coming from, you will resolve any disagreement.
Most arguments come from a lack of validation. When someone cannot see your side, you begin picking at each other. When this happens, each person has now brought their walls up and usually become defensive. If two people can take complete responsibility for their actions and see their wounds, any problem can be fixed.
3. THEY SUPPORT YOU UNCONDITIONALLY
To feel support and have understanding in a relationship means you can be completely yourself and are accepted for who you are. To feel supported by your partner means several things; for example, if you are an anxious person and get overwhelmed in crowds, your partner does not judge you. Instead, they hold a space for you to work through it. This means instead of judging you, they say things like, “if you are feeling overwhelmed, I am here, hold my hand. I got you. You are fine, but we can leave if you need to. I am ready when you are.”
I know what it feels like to be judged and shamed for being who I am. I know the feeling of not wanting to share everything I was feeling, while thinking in fear that my partner would not understand me, and the truth was he did not. I know the feeling of being uncomfortable and being shamed for not knowing how to handle the situation. Instead of receiving guidance and patience, I was shown anger and frustration, and was made to feel guilty for who I am.
To feel supported means to feel understood and accepted.
4. IT IS EASY TO BE WITH THEM
There is a saying most couples who are happy will tell you, “it was easy being with my partner.” There should be an ease to the relationship. That does not mean that you never argue, but it means you know how to handle disagreements, and that the fights are far and few. It should not be hard to live life together. It should not be hard to enjoy each other. You accept each other and appreciate each other. You adore each other and respect each other. All these things combine to equal a happy relationship.
Other than these things, the next thing you must work on is YOU!
Do you come from a lack?
Do you have a fear that you will never find this person?
Fear will always keep you stuck. Fear means you will always settle. Fear will keep you feeling hopeless to find this person, especially when life still has not brought this person to you. It is essential to work on you. Work on your inner strength, your standards, your boundaries, your self-talk, and your fears. Work on learning how to soothe yourself, support yourself, and motivate yourself.
If you are ready to work on yourself, then start with my 9-Week Online Course. Learn about why you are the way you are, and what is holding you back from having the confidence in yourself that will allow you to have all you want. Visit: https://www.stephanielynlifecoaching.com/ to learn more.
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