5 Reasons The Narcissist Hates You

controlling people manipulation narcissist self-awareness toxic relationships Apr 01, 2022

It is an exhausting task trying to understand why a person who once loved you now despises you. A person who can treat you in such a hurtful way as if you do not have feelings. This person probably once loved you and showered you with attention and promises. They appeared to be the person you had been searching for but hadn’t found yet. They enjoyed your company and you thought this was it. They were your friend and lover, and now they appear to be your worst enemy. Worse than any other bully you’ve ever met. They are now capable of saying and doing the most hurtful things. Things that would cut anyone at their knees and you cannot understand why this person has changed. 

How does a person go from hot to cold? Treat you like their forever, and then detach emotionally and physically from your life in an instance to then become a cruel and insensitive person. 

We’ve all heard the obvious “you were no longer a good source of narcissistic supply,” but what does that really mean. For some, that answer just isn’t enough. That answer doesn’t warrant the spiteful and inhuman things this person has done to you. Especially when a majority of the time, the person you are dealing with dismantled their own lives and relationships. It is beyond confusing to sit back and have to go through a painful breakup that you did not initiate, only to have the person who did the breaking still want to hurt you.

Here I am going to give you all the reasons why they hate you and why they continuously want to hurt you.


Control is a narcissists best friend. It is what gives them a sense of power. They seek it out to prove to themselves that they matter and that you need them. If you are dependent on them and being controlled by them, then this eases their sense of feeling out of control. This also allows them to do what they want without any boundaries or consequences.


Nothing bugs a toxic person more than you moving on from them and living a good life. This shows them that they can no longer make you happy, which makes them feel insufficient. A healthy person would want you to be happy because they are healthy inside as well and want that for everyone. A toxic person does not view others in the same way. Life is a competition, and if you are doing well, they need to compete with that. 

The irony is that they may “appear” to be happy, but deep down, they can never truly be happy because of their extreme insecurities and low self-esteem. They will never feel those feelings inside because their happiness is dependent on what others think of them and who is giving them what they need. When you are dependent on others, you can never fully be happy because no one can give you what you need inside. 


A toxic person does not like having the finger pointed at them. They will never own what they did, and they will never self-reflect and think because they are the problem; Perhaps they should work on themselves a little, but they will blame shift instead.  

They will list all of the reasons why they did what they did. They will bring up things from years ago that will excuse their behavior. Their excuses will help them to blame shift and put it back on you why what they did was your fault. They need to be able to rationalize that it was ok for them to hurt you, and they need that justification to do what they did to you. This eases their minds and makes them the victim.   

The part that people struggle with is they received the abuse, lying, cheating, and betraying, and now the other person has created a story that makes them look like the one who is suffering. 


Much like exposing them for what they did to you (lying, cheating, gaslighting, etc.), you will also expose them to who they are not. If you are an empathic person, a giver, a good soul, a kindhearted person, and are working on healing and getting yourself right, then people will see that and love that. That is what people are drawn to, your authentic self. 

When a narcissist is not any of those things, they can never be loved for who they are because they don’t want to expose their true self to the world. They live with such deep-rooted insecurities that they want the world to see them as the “perfect self,” which is not real; they do not like that. Again, it displays to them all of the things they do not do. 


People love you for all the right reasons because of what you bring to the table, the good stuff. With a narcissist, people will love them for all the wrong reasons because that is what they are giving people. They are showy, arrogant, and want to look better. They are not interested in vulnerability, having an authentic relationship, and finding deep love because everything in life is about supply. Getting the next hit that will boost their self-esteem up a notch is all that matters. 

When you do not know your own true self, you can never be happy. You are always searching for something to feed the deep wound that is within. This becomes the life of a narcissist. As you can see, the more you move on from them and create your own happiness, the more this upsets them, which is why they want to tear you down.