5 Red Flags You Should Watch For In New RelationshipsMay 06, 2022
First dates can be so exciting and nerve-racking; what to wear, where to go, and figuring out what to say, what not to say, and so on. Then when we start a new relationship, we get all the feels and butterflies and get to build this exciting adventure in our lives with someone. When we meet someone new, it can take a while to learn about who they are and potential red flags that can have a bigger impact later in the relationship.
When we are in a new relationship, it is hard not to look at them through rose-colored glasses. When we like someone, we tend to give them the benefit of the doubt, explain away their behavior, or trust what they say to us at face value. So here are 5 red flags that you should watch out for in a new relationship.
There is a range of controlling behavior and can vary from person to person. Overt controlling behavior can be someone refusing to allow you to visit certain people, go somewhere without them, or will only allow things to happen their way. However, controlling behavior can be more covert, such as causing you to doubt yourself or baiting you into certain behaviors so you look like the controlling and toxic one. In a new relationship, this could look like them guilting you when you go out with your friends or snooping through your phone.
We don't want to be trapped with someone who can find the flaw in absolutely everything. A highly critical person will either complain relentlessly or use "jokes" and sarcasm. This can be directed at food when eating out, service workers, and friends and family. Though they are not vocally critical of you at first, eventually they will start to pick you apart; the way you dress, eat, act, smile, it seems that they can even find issues in the air around you.
This is someone who is too affectionate and too open, too soon. They give you extreme compliments, or they are highly affectionate before you even have time to build the foundation of your relationship. Someone who is overly open can also share too much information or even ask you deeply personal questions right off the bat. Emotions, affections, and shared information grow as the relationship grows. If someone becomes too emotionally involved or is invasive at the beginning of the relationship, this shows that there may be some underlying issues. This could be an unhealed wound, love bombing, or another sign of a possibly toxic dynamic.
Pushing boundaries can be physical, mental, or emotional. Someone can push your boundaries by forcing you to share deeply personal information on your feelings, past, or traumas. This could also mean pushing you to go places or do things where you don't feel safe or comfortable. This could be pressuring you to go to their home or letting them inside yours. Or it could be trying to get you to go to an unfamiliar or isolated place with them.
Lack of Trust
We know that trust is something that we earn, but the opportunity to earn trust needs to be there in order to build a relationship. It is extremely telling if a new partner shows a complete lack of trust even though the trust has never been broken. Examples of this are wanting you to constantly update them while you're out, not trusting any of your friends when you're out with them, not trusting you when you talk to other men, etc. Another good example of there being a lack of trust is lying. Lying on a dating profile or the information that they give you about themselves at the beginning of a relationship, all the way to lying about what they were doing and who they were with.
When it comes to starting any relationship, whether friendship or romantic, catching these red flags and being able to recognize what they are signs of can be difficult. A big part of that is by trusting your gut. If a behavior seems too extreme or too personal for where you are in the relationship, don't ignore it. Try to step back and look at the other behaviors that they are showing you and even go to your support network to see if they can catch things that you’re not.