5 Ways Narcissists Try to Control You
Mar 03, 2025
The scary thing about narcissistic abuse? You don’t even realize how much control they have over you until you’re deep in it.
Somehow, they manage to take control of your mind, emotions, and even your sense of reality. And here’s the hard truth—most of the time, you didn’t even know you handed that control over to them. But today, we’re going to change that.
Let’s break this down in a way that’s easy to understand and empowering.
Why Do Narcissists Crave Control?
At the core of narcissism is insecurity. Behind all the charm, confidence, and charisma is someone deeply afraid of being exposed. They thrive on control because, to them, control equals safety.
Here’s what’s going on in their mind:
· If they control you, they feel protected.
· If they keep everything predictable, they avoid vulnerability.
For most of us, being vulnerable is hard but manageable. For a narcissist, it’s terrifying. If they lose control, they’re forced to face truths they don’t want to deal with:
· They’re not perfect.
· They fear they’re not good enough or lovable.
· Their actions hurt people.
· Their power is more fragile than it looks.
To avoid this, they’ll do whatever it takes to maintain control. The scary part? They’re masters at making you believe their control is for your benefit.
Let’s dive into the sneaky ways they do this.
1. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a favorite tool for narcissists. It’s all about making you doubt your reality.
Imagine this: you catch them in a lie. When you call them out, they say, “You’re crazy. That never happened.” Or, “You must be imagining things.” Over time, you start questioning your own memory and instincts.
Why it works:
When someone repeatedly denies your reality, you lose confidence in yourself. Instead of trusting your own thoughts, you start relying on them to define what’s real. That’s how they gain total control.
2. Love-Bombing
Love-bombing is like a fairytale on steroids. In the beginning, they overwhelm you with affection, gifts, and promises of a perfect future.
For example, you’ve been dating for a week, and they’re already saying, “You’re my soulmate.” They text constantly, plan over-the-top romantic dates, and make you feel like you’re living a dream.
Why we fall for it:
It feels amazing. Who wouldn’t want to be adored like that? But here’s the catch: it’s not genuine. It’s a strategy to hook you emotionally. Once you’re invested, their true colors start to show.
3. The Silent Treatment
When things don’t go their way, a narcissist might go radio silent. No calls, no texts, no acknowledgment of your presence.
How it works: You have a disagreement, and instead of resolving it, they disappear. You’re left wondering, Did I do something wrong? Should I apologize? This triggers feelings of guilt, anxiety, and desperation to “fix” things—even if you didn’t do anything wrong.
Why it’s effective:
Humans are wired for connection. When someone we care about shuts us out, it activates our fear of rejection. This makes us more likely to give in just to restore the relationship.
4. Triangulation
Triangulation is when they bring a third person into the mix to create jealousy or competition.
For example, they might talk about how their ex did something better than you, or they’ll flirt with someone right in front of you. This makes you feel like you’re not enough and shifts your focus away from their behavior.
Why it’s so hurtful:
It’s not just about rejection; it’s about manipulation. They use this tactic to make you question your worth and keep you chasing their approval.
5. Projection
Narcissists love to project their flaws onto you. If they’re cheating, they’ll accuse you of being unfaithful. If they’re lying, they’ll call you dishonest.
Why it works:
Projection keeps you on the defensive. Instead of focusing on their behavior, you’re too busy defending yourself against baseless accusations.
Being in a relationship like this leaves scars. Narcissistic abuse can cause PTSD, leaving you hypervigilant, doubting your instincts, and struggling to trust again.
But here’s the good news: you can heal. It takes time and effort, but it’s absolutely possible to rebuild your confidence, trust yourself, and create the life you deserve.
