Emotionally Unavailable People

emotional abuse narcissist toxic relationships Jun 17, 2021

In relationships, there are key components that make it thrive. Communication, healthy conflict, and validation of feelings can keep it on the right track. However, if one partner is emotionally unavailable this will significantly deter it in the opposite direction. By learning what it means to be emotionally unavailable and the warning signs that come with it, you can steer clear of those that may not have the same intentions as you. 


How To Avoid Emotionally Unavailable People


If you have family or you are in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable, learning how you manage yourself when you go toe to toe with this person can greatly impact your need for stability. Take notice of the warning signs in an emotionally unavailable person, knowledge is power and you should always understand who is around you so that you are better equipped to handle things in the best way possible. 


Ask yourself if this person is consistent in the relationship. Are they ghosting and ignoring you? It’s impossible to build a connection with someone who does not put forth the effort to have one. There are no layers in this relationship which is vital when you are trying to build something. Having an emotional connection with someone will make it easier for things to fall into place. If they show that they are emotionally unavailable, try not to take it personally, and understand that there may be a deeper reason for them doing this. 


Someone who struggles with expressing themselves, can find it impossible for them to properly validate others’ feelings. It shouldn’t be one person doing all the work, it takes two people to interact in a healthy relationship (friends, family, or romantic). When you’re vulnerable, how will this person show up for you and be there for you if they cannot regulate the emotions inside themselves? Ask yourself if they can sit in a space for you and be vulnerable with you. What currently exists in the relationship will always be there unless they choose to work on themselves. 


As conflict comes up, how do they handle this? Disagreements in a relationship are normal and if navigated healthily, they can improve the bond you have with each other. If not, it can be detrimental. People are often not ready for a relationship and withdraw all together because they don’t know how to handle it. If they don’t verbally explain why they do what they do or communicate their feelings effectively when something upsets them, it can prevent growth and cause frustration on both sides. 


Go inward and be honest with yourself on what you’re seeing. Are they able to take full responsibility for themselves? Self-reflection is an important part of conflict resolution. If they are unable to parent themselves, they are likely emotionally unavailable to you and others. You should be seeing this person admit when they are wrong. Having that communication back and forth and accepting the other person’s side is what a functional relationship looks like. 


A surface-level relationship can be one of the most confusing signs when navigating what an emotionally unavailable person acts like. Find out what they are looking for and what their capabilities are. If you want to learn what type of person they are and you’re receiving short, non-authentic answers, take that as your signal that this person is not ready for an invested relationship. It’s critical to not project what you want this person to be if that’s not who they are. It will lead to impatience and miscommunication on both ends which can make the relationship start rocky.  


When you work on yourself and you’re healthy, your standards will always be up. You won’t have a problem connecting with a healthy person and being able to openly communicate. Find your boundaries and standards to make sure that the next person will meet them without fail. Don’t seek out someone you know is not the right fit for you and try to mold them into what you want. You may never know the reason why someone is emotionally unavailable and that’s okay, trying to make sense of it will only lead to more confusion. 


Manifesting a Healthy You and Self-love


Emotionally unavailable people will always exist but learning how to uncover those characteristics and healthily handling them will help you navigate away from them. You have to be strong in yourself first and know what you want otherwise those that you don’t want in your life will keep showing up. 


Fear will always make you think “I've never had it before, I’ll probably never have it.” Negative thoughts and feelings will try to sneak their way in when you’re learning to manifest a healthy relationship but don’t let it take over. Keep your standards high and remember that you are deserving and worth it. Let your authentic self take over and become who you want to be, don’t fear intimacy and being vulnerable because you have seen someone else's character. 


Learn to regulate your own emotions and parent yourself. This will allow you to build a strong connection with yourself to better navigate and understand your triggers. Self-love is about knowing who you are inside and out and accepting yourself for what you see. Look at the negative parts you might be suffering from and fix it to be a better version of you. 


Practice self-love by shutting out negative self-talk and only tell yourself uplifting phrases throughout the day. Always think about the healthy version of yourself that you want to be and make goals to attain that. Do you need to work on your boundaries? Do you need to heal internal wounds? Or do you need to let your inner child out? Whatever the case may be, exploring your self-confidence and worth will attract others with the same mindset.