Fear Of Ending Up Alone

abandonment avoidant attachment betrayal breakup recovery breakups codependency Feb 14, 2024

Let's talk about something we've all worried about at some point: the fear of ending up alone. Whether you just got out of a relationship or have been single for a while, this fear affects us all. I don’t want you to worry because it is a normal fear that we’ve all had at some point or another. Here is what I want you to start realizing and practicing. 

  1. Understanding Your Fear 

Let's start by digging into that fear. It's a huge part in letting go of this fear. Most people walk around every day attached to all their fears and worries and have absolutely no idea. They don't understand what's causing them, they don't understand where they came from. 

The part that hurts most people is in the lack of knowing what previous experiences and traumas you've been through that have caused you to form these debilitating fears. It's important to figure out and admit these things in order to start moving forward. 

A lot of the traumas that you've been through have to do with you not learning how to take care of yourself emotionally and mentally. When you grew up in dysfunctional or codependent households you did not learn healthy tools to survive in the world.  

Instead, you put a lot of emphasis on getting things from other people that you should have been giving yourself. Things like validation, things like being able to self-soothe are two very important ones that we give onto others.  

Not knowing these skills and how to practice them in your own life will hurt you tremendously. Your level of self-confidence and self-esteem goes down and you become extremely codependent. This codependency forms stories that you need relationships more than you should to feel ok in the world. We all need relationships it is a part of being human but needing them in a healthy way is important. 

  1. Facing Disappointment 

As adults we understand that there are times when we are faced with disappointment. Because we are faced with these challenging times and because these difficulties are left undealt with it will create voids within us. These voids are not meant to harm you but instead they are meant to help you to heal parts of yourself that you did not know needed your attention.  

If these disappointments are left unacknowledged and not dealt with, they will create undeniable fears that ending up alone is the worst thing in the world. It will also create low self-esteem to believe that you are not capable of finding a great partner. The disappointments we faced and the things that we go through that are hard are either going to hurt us in the future or help us to rise above and become stronger.  

  1. Dealing with Irrational Thoughts 

Sometimes it all boils down to just having irrational thoughts. All your intrusive thoughts that are wanting to keep you stuck are running rapid in your mind. They're making you feel bad about where you are. They are making you feel scared and nervous about the future. Unfortunately, since it's something you are unaware of these thoughts have started to define how you feel.  

We don't need to overthink this situation; we just need to challenge irrational thoughts. These are the thoughts that are not going to get you the outcome that you desire. These are the thoughts that are just going to make you feel worse than you already do. These thoughts are not the truth but are merely here to keep you stuck. That is their job and until you recognize that you will always be at the mercy of these thoughts, they will continue to do what they’ve always done which is hold you back and keep living in fear.  

  1. Enjoying Single Life 

Taking charge of your life and how you feel is pretty amazing. Once you start practicing, taking that level of responsibility for yourself, you will never feel that intensity of loneliness or fear.  

I never understood why people looked at being single as a bad thing. There is a stigma around being single that is deep rooted in fear and lack. Most people do not live in confidence and abundance and that is because we are not taught how to do that. It is a skill and a mindset that must be switched. 

The hardest thing I had to learn was that my mind would always create stories that would keep me sitting in fear and lack. It was my ability to decide to believe those stories or reject them that I had to master. With all fear I had to recognize that I had the power to reject or feed those thoughts and once I got that it changed my life.