Getting Comfortable with Who You Are
Aug 11, 2025
At a certain point in life, you realize you can’t keep bending, shrinking, or performing to feel good enough. Especially after a toxic relationship or major life shift, it’s easy to lose sight of who you really are. You’re not alone in that. Rebuilding your relationship with yourself is not about becoming someone new it’s about remembering who you were before the world told you who to be. And then choosing who you want to be now.
This stage of life asks for a different kind of confidence. Not the kind that looks like perfection on the outside but the kind that feels like peace on the inside.
So how do you actually start getting comfortable with yourself again? Here’s what I teach my clients:
Step 1: Let Go of Who You Think You Should Be
We all carry around silent expectations about how we should look, where we should be in life, or how others might see us. The problem is, these expectations often aren’t even ours. They’re handed to us by family, culture, past relationships, or old wounds. When we try to live up to them, we end up feeling exhausted and disconnected from ourselves.
Getting comfortable with yourself means learning to drop the pressure. You don’t have to be “on” all the time. You don’t have to fix everything overnight. You don’t have to be who they expected you to be. The more you try to be everything to everyone, the further you drift from your true self. So, this first step is about slowing down, listening in, and starting to notice: Where are you performing? Where are you over-explaining? Where are you abandoning yourself just to feel accepted?
Letting go of who you think you should be opens the door to becoming who you actually are.
Step 2: Start Paying Attention to What Feels Good
Once you start releasing all that pressure, it’s time to reconnect with what you actually like, want, and need. What brings you joy? What makes you feel grounded? What gives you energy? These questions seem simple, but when you've spent years prioritizing others, they can feel hard to answer.
Getting comfortable with yourself is a daily practice of checking in and honoring what’s true for you. That might mean choosing rest instead of pushing through. Or wearing clothes that make you feel good in your skin instead of just trying to look “put together.” Maybe it’s finally admitting you love quiet mornings, hate small talk, and light up when you’re learning something new.
The more you follow what feels good not in a quick-fix way, but in a soul-honoring way the more you start to feel safe in your own body and life. That’s the root of real confidence.
Step 3: Rebuild Trust With Yourself
This is the most important step of all, and the one most people skip. If you've been through a toxic relationship, betrayal, or just years of self-neglect, you might struggle to trust your own decisions, feelings, or even your instincts. That’s normal. But trust is something you can rebuild.
To do this, start showing up for yourself in small but meaningful ways. Keep the promises you make to yourself, even if they’re tiny. Speak to yourself with the same patience you’d give a friend. Start making decisions based on what you want not what others think you should do. It doesn’t have to be perfect. The more consistent you are, the more solid your relationship with yourself becomes.
When you start showing up for yourself over and over, you stop second-guessing so much. You start believing in your own strength again. And slowly but surely, you begin to trust that who you are is more than enough.
Step 4: Let Yourself Be Seen
This is the scary part for a lot of women, especially if you’ve been rejected or abandoned before. But part of being comfortable with who you are is letting people experience the real you not the filtered, watered-down, overly-accommodating version.
Start small. Let your opinions be heard in a conversation. Say no without over-explaining. Share something vulnerable with someone you trust. Wear the outfit that feels like you, even if it’s different from what others expect. These aren’t just style choices or personality quirks they’re ways of standing in your truth.
When you let yourself be seen, you give others permission to meet you where you really are. You’re no longer keeping up an image or trying to earn love through perfection. That’s freedom. That’s real self-respect.
Step 5: Stop Waiting to Be Fixed
So many of us are walking around with this low-grade belief that we’re not there yet. We’re not “ready.” We have to heal more. Do more. Become more. But being comfortable with yourself doesn’t mean you’ve checked every box or healed every wound.
It means you’ve decided to stop treating yourself like a problem to fix.
You can be a work in progress and still love yourself as you are. You can be soft and strong. Messy and worthy. Confused and still capable. The moment you stop waiting for some imaginary finish line is the moment you start living. That’s when you stop hiding. That’s when your confidence begins to grow for real because it’s not based on what you’ve accomplished, it’s based on your willingness to be fully human.
Getting Comfortable Is a Practice, Not a Destination
You won’t wake up one day and suddenly feel 100% confident and completely at home in yourself. That’s not how this works. Confidence grows slowly, in the moments you choose to stay on your own side. It shows up when you say yes to things that nourish you and no to things that drain you. It lives in the quiet voice that says, “I’m proud of who I’m becoming,” even if no one else sees it yet.
So give yourself permission to start where you are. Get curious. Be gentle. And most of all keep choosing yourself. Because the more comfortable you are with who you are, the less you’ll need outside approval to feel at peace.
And that’s the kind of confidence that can’t be taken away.
