Healing From Post Traumatic Stress

When we read about post traumatic stress and other psychological disorders, it can be overwhelming to fully understand, so I’ll try to be as relatable as possible and try to explain it in simpler terms. A lot of people experience post traumatic stress after emotional or narcissistic abuse. Some of this is going to be black and white, and some of it will be my opinion from my own past experience. 

When you hear someone has post traumatic stress, your first thought is probably that they were in a war or went through a very dangerous experience where their life was at risk. These types of things can trigger post traumatic stress within ourselves. In terms of any kind of emotional abuse or narcissistic abuse, one symptom can be intrusive thoughts, reliving the experience, flashbacks, nightmares and more. Because of these feelings you may start to avoid the things that triggered this.

An example of this could be 9/11. People avoided flying for a while, even if they weren’t directly involved. Another example can be if you were robbed, you may avoid the place you were robbed at. And yet another example is if you were in a bad relationship, you might avoid getting into another relationship for a while. We will avoid putting ourselves in the place where the pain first happened, and emotional numbness is very possible. Because you are reliving these experiences, you may have trouble sleeping and concentrating and this can take over your day-to-day life. Paranoia, jitteriness, being uncomfortable and anxiety are other signs of post traumatic stress. This is a wound that needs to be tended to and not ignored.

A lot of people who were emotionally abused or dealt with narcissistic abuse may blame themselves or make excuses, because they haven’t healed themselves from the abuse. They haven’t been able to emotionally detach from the damage that person has created. You have to regain your sense of self again to start healing. A lot of people who leave a narcissistic relationship go into therapy and/or hire a life coach to get to a healthier version of themselves. You must heal that part of yourself as you feel the symptoms. It’s fine to own certain parts of yourself, because when we know better, we do better. We are human. The manipulation the narcissist had over you to make you feel as if you are the problem and they weren’t the problem had nothing to do with you. It had to do with them, and that’s important to remember. 

One of the biggest things is understanding where post traumatic stress lives and how it works. Understanding the aspects of your brain and where events are stored is not only interesting but can also help you to understand how this all works and why you are struggling with post traumatic stress. When an event occurs, it gets stored in the part of your brain called the amygdala. When something traumatic happens and it gets stored in that part of the brain, that part then communicates with the adrenal glands and sends a message saying there’s danger. That’s why we experience anxiety. It’s telling you that you are in some danger, but you have to know if the danger is real or are you just telling yourself that in your head. It’s believing that anxiety is the body’s way of reacting to something you’re thinking about, so you have to be able to differentiate if it’s real or not. Is it just a worry, stress, or fear that you are fixated on which is calling you the anxiety? 

If you’re not mindful of your thoughts, it will cause you to have a subconscious kind of wound that you are dreaming about all the time. If you are dreaming about someone, you might have a wound because you didn’t tend to it consciously and it’s manifesting into your dreams. Our dreams hold our worries and fears. 

If you’re not aware of the abuse this person was giving you and you internalize it, you’re going to become obsessive. When those glands sense that danger, they are going to set off adrenaline and that in turn will start your fight or flight response. That’s when the anxiety comes into play. That fight or flight response is your limbic system communicating with your nervous system the thoughts we think are so important. We have these obsessive thoughts because of the traumatic event we experienced. You were the target of abuse in a situation and were damaged emotionally. You lived in codependency and fear and allowed this person to have control over you in some way. 

This relationship was a learning opportunity so you can learn about what a healthy relationship should look like, as well as post traumatic stress, abuse, codependency and projecting. It’s important to learn these things. Welcome your pain and uncomfortable thoughts and do not suppress them. Self parenting can help you begin to heal yourself. Be your own therapist, life coach, and have a healthy dialogue with yourself. That is emotional and mental health.