How I Stopped Letting People Trigger Me

Have you ever found yourself suddenly overwhelmed by emotions because of something someone said or did? These intense emotional reactions, known as triggers, can stem from past traumas or significant experiences. Here’s how I learned to manage and eventually stop letting people trigger me.

Understanding Triggers

Triggers are moments when something or someone causes a sudden emotional response. This could be due to:

• A specific place
• Seeing something familiar
• Being around certain people
• Hearing specific words or phrases

The feelings that come with triggers are tied to past experiences and the meanings we associate with them. For example, a car accident survivor might feel intense fear the next time they get into a car. This reaction happens because their brain, particularly the hippocampus, has stored the trauma but hasn't logically filed it away. The hippocampus is trying to protect us, even if the current situation is safe.

Emotional and Cognitive Triggers

Emotional triggers are linked to past traumatic events, such as:  Rejection, Loss, Abandonment, Betrayal and just plain old Stress.

Cognitive triggers are thoughts that evoke strong emotions, often through negative self-talk.

"I’m not good enough."

"I missed this assignment; now I’m going to fail the course."

Black-and-white thinking, which involves seeing things as all good or all bad, or overgeneralization, which entails drawing broad conclusions from a single event, can negatively impact one's perception and decision-making.

Here are the steps I took to stop letting people trigger me:

1. Recognizing Their Behavior: I realized that people often acted out of their own frustrations. For instance, someone might lash out because they aren't getting their way, not because of something I did.
2. Understanding Control: I noticed that I felt triggered when I felt out of control—when I couldn’t control others or the outcome of situations.
3. Reframing the Story: I was getting triggered because I was creating negative stories about people’s intentions.
4. Letting Go of Expectations: I stopped needing others to change for me to feel okay. Realizing that my happiness didn’t depend on controlling everything around me was liberating.
5. Self-Reliance for Happiness: I understood that needing others to change meant I couldn’t be happy without their compliance. My happiness had to come from within.
6. Challenging Negative Thoughts: I learned to challenge and soothe my ego and wounded self by addressing negative self-talk and worst-case scenarios. This involved:

•    Recognizing when I was catastrophizing
•    Stopping black-and-white thinking
•    Challenging overgeneralizations

I took control of my emotional responses. I acknowledged that while I couldn't control others, I could control how I reacted. My happiness became my responsibility, and by changing my internal dialogue, I found a path to inner peace.

If you find yourself frequently triggered, try to understand the root of these triggers and take steps to manage your responses. It might not be easy at first, but with practice, you can regain control over your emotions and find a greater sense of well-being.