How To Handle a Narcissistic Boss

Working with a narcissist can be extremely challenging. Since we spend a lot of time with our coworkers, these relationships must be healthy and pleasant. When the situation and people are not ideal, what do we do? Here is how you can cope with this situation at work.

Know How a Narcissist Thinks

“Know your audience” has been the best piece of advice I have ever received. Knowing the personalities of the people you work with is very beneficial towards learning how you must interact with them.

A narcissist’s agenda is the most important in the room, and since their needs come first, they will need to know what they can get out of every situation. How can you help them achieve their goals, and what can they get out of you?

Since they only care about themselves, they will use others to get ahead. They will take the credit for the work that is being done and yet never give praise where praise is due. This can be frustrating, especially when you see yourself as a team player.

Never Blame Them

One thing to learn is narcissists do not like to be blamed for anything. With their ego being so fragile, you must learn how to speak to this childlike adult without bruising their ego.

The best way to interact with them is to discuss your feelings vs. what they are doing wrong to manage you or the team. You are not blaming them for why you feel the way you do, but instead advising what you need to work your best. They will, in turn, help them get what they want from you.

It is also best to give options to a narcissist. This allows the narcissist to pick the option and feel like they are in control. This will allow you to get what you need and also let the narcissist feel important.

A narcissist, for the most part, is capable of giving you anything as long as it benefits them, so start using this knowledge to your benefit.

If you are willing to “play the game,” learn what is most important to them, you will win. By studying what they value, this gives you a chance to stay out of the line of fire.

Learn How to Interact With Them

Regardless of how the interactions go, it is important to learn how to keep your cool and not react emotionally to them. Staying calm and in control of your emotional state is something you must practice.

Any person who is around this type of personality long enough will have to learn how to detach emotionally from the interactions they have with them and see a situation for what it is. This requires learning how to respond vs. react.

Understanding why a person is the way they are will allow you to stop taking what they do and say personally. When you are no longer taking things personally, you do not react, you respond.

Most people react out of habit. They are program to be reactive, and it hurts them emotionally and energetically because you are giving the abuser what they want, your energy.

Pausing before you respond, speaking slowly and calmly is a practice but one that you need to start to begin to handle yourself in these stressful situations.

Checking your body language as well to make sure you are not showing signs of stress, frustrations and anxiety is vital. The more you are calm inside, the more relaxed you will appear outside.

Set Boundaries

While we know boundaries are not something any narcissist likes, they are crucial. Since a narcissist is more than willing to take advantage of anyone for their gain, learning how to set parameters around what you will do and what you will not do is important.

Take Care of You

When all else fails, it is essential to take care of yourself. Working with someone narcissistic can be demeaning and stressful. Since you are always “on” around them, it can be draining on you mentally and emotionally. Take time for yourself to ensure you are in a good space every day. If the stress of the situation is still too much for you, it is time to have an exit plan in the background in case it is time for you to leave your job.