How to Heal Daddy IssuesSep 13, 2021
There is not one woman alive that didn’t want to be a daddy’s girl. We all dreamed of having this man in our life who would do anything for us. He would be strong, sweet, and loving. He would be kind and be the protector of the family. He would beat up any boy that mistreated you and would hold you when your heart was broken by your first love. He would be there for you no matter what. You came first in his eyes and could do no wrong. He saw how precious you were and would never let you down. He would be able to tell you and show you just how much you meant to him. He would eventually walk you down the aisle when you get married and then be the best grandpa you have ever seen.
Well, the fantasies of life do not always happen for everyone. Some of us never received that father. Maybe he left or maybe he was home every night but could never give you what she needed. There are times when we don’t get those “perfect parenting pictures” and it is okay. It is okay to mourn and grieve that loss. It is okay to wish you had a different life experience, but the most important thing is to heal that wound.
The reason being is that those fundamental relationships were supposed to allow us to grow up and be secure and confident women. That important relationship was supposed to give us the foundation of how we deserved to be treated. It was supposed to show us what a real healthy man looks like.
Since the relationship you have with your father will set the tone for all other relationships you have with men, it is hard to not feel a longing when we did not get what we would have wanted.
When a little girl does not receive what she needed and deserved from her father it creates a wound inside of her. This relationship will affect the most important thing she has which is her self-worth. Her self-confidence, self-esteem, and all other aspect of having a healthy sense of self will come from her worthiness to know she deserves those things. It is the relationship with both her father and mother that will play an undeniable role in her ability to love herself.
As she becomes a woman if her wounds are not healed she will go in one of two directions. She will either attract a man that is the mirror of her father. He will abandon her quickly. He will neglect her and never give her what she needs. He will never be able to love her, hold her, tell her how much she is loved and shown in the daily actions of tender love that he has for her.
In the other direction is the man that is the opposite of her father. He early on will sweep her off her feet. He will love bomb her, confess his love for her, do and say all of the right things. He will begin to fill her wound to the point where she believes she has met her soulmate. She puts all of her trust into this man without still knowing whether or not his intentions are pure. She just assumes this man is true since it is what she is longing in her life.
Since she never healed her “I am not enough” wound, she will also be a prime target for abuse and overlook RED FLAGS. This is where she will attract narcissists and abusers. Again she will attract these men because she craves love. She desires the feelings of wholeness that her father should have given her, so instead she looks to this man in her life to give it to her.
There are many women that still carry their daddy issues with them. So, let’s uncover how to begin healing this wound.
1. UNLEASH YOUR SADNESS
Most of us are raised in families where we were taught to be tough. Life is hard and our parents didn’t know how to handle their own traumas let alone ours. So first thing is to cry. The first thing is to feel. Feel the sadness, feel the disappointed of who you wanted him to be. Let the little girl come out and feel for the first time.
2. UNDERSTAND WHO YOUR FATHER IS
It is important to learn about your father, his past and why he is the way he is. What is essential is that you look at this person as a person and not your father whom you have huge expectations on. We undoubtable put expectations on our parents. We want them to be able to give us what we need but as forget they are humans also. They have fears, wounds, insecurities, and their own sadness they carry around with them. Even if you are on a spiritual journey of healing does not mean he wants to uncover his past as well. He may never be able to admit how he hurt you or what he did but it is necessary that you get it out for you.
3. LEARN TO PARENT YOURSELF
Here is where you will begin learning how to give yourself all of the things you never received, not just from your father but also perhaps your mother. This is a critical part of healing is to learn new emotional and mental skills that you need to be a healthy woman.