How to STOP Changing Your Partner!

Jun 02, 2020

When we have thoughts about wanting to change our partner, it is more of a reflection of who we are vs. our partner; it is a projection of our own beliefs and value systems onto our partner.

When you start a relationship, you may overlook certain things about your partner. For example, your partner may like to come home from work and relax in front of the TV.

After you come home from work, you like to go to the gym, talk to friends, and work on a hobby.

At the beginning of the relationship, this did not bother you because you thought, “oh, he will change.” Remember, people show us who they are early in a relationship whether we want to accept that or not.

This situation becomes an issue when you both move in together because your expectation is for your partner to go for a walk with you and engage in your hobby after work. But all your partner wants to do is relax in front of the TV, which leads to unhappiness because your partner is not meeting your expectations.

Instead, think about your partner in this situation. Your partner may have a physically or mentally taxing job that leaves him tired at the end of an 8–10 hour day.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes when you have thoughts about wanting to change things about who they are. A little bit of empathy can go a long way and, ultimately, save your relationship in the end.