How Are You Projecting Onto Others?

abandonment narcissist projection toxic relationships Jun 10, 2021

Projection is a defense mechanism that is done unconsciously. 

Projection is when you take your feelings, fears, insecurities, etc. and deny them. In that moment of denial, you give them to someone else to manage. You do this so you do not have to own what you are internally feeling. The hope is that someone else will make you feel better for your uncomfortable feelings. 

The ego loves projection because it never wants to be wrong, it just wants others to fix the problem. It does not want to take responsibility for how it feels. It does not want to reflect to see where those uncomfortable feelings are coming from. The ego never wants to do any inner work, instead it wants to put how it feels on someone’s lap. This now becomes that person’s problem and you get away free from having to do any work.  

If you do not know when someone is projecting and you come from low self-esteem when it happens, you will conform to the other person. You will change and adapt to what the other person wants in an attempt to keep the peace. You are trying to make them feel better because you have taken on their projection. You have not learned that their uncomfortable feelings are their responsibly and not yours.  

When you are projecting, you are essentially abandoning yourself. You have now placed yourself as the victim when you are not. Regardless of whatever happens to you, how you choose to response is on you, period.  

Your fears, anxieties, childhood wounds, emotional triggers, hopes, beliefs, desires, and suppressed emotions are solely your responsibility.   

Typically, these things show up in different ways. If you were cheated on by your ex you may create a story that your now partner is or will do the same thing. This story, which is your own insecurity from your past is now showing up in your future. What is worse is when your partner does something like not respond to your text message, you begin to project your past onto this person. You then except this person to change who they are to fit the fact that you feel insecure in relationships because you suffered an abandonment in your past.   

Another way you could be projecting onto others is the fantasies you create of who someone is when they are not that person.  

Most people fantasize about their ideal life, which society has programmed them to want. As they begin creating this life which they are not fully sure they want, they just think they want it, the chore comes of selecting people to fit certain roles in your life.  

When a person suffers from lack or low self-esteem, they do not ask themselves if someone is right for them, they just push them into a role the person was never meant to play.  

How often do we look at a person and try to change them? We are not happy with what we are seeing so attempt to fix them. We maneuver or accept less than what we deserve because we have not learned how to have high levels of self-love and standards.  

Projecting positive qualities onto a person who does not have those traits is just the same as dumping your past wounds onto a person. It is your stuff, and you must accept it. You must accept that you have a habit of projecting what you want to see in people rather than seeing a person for who they really are and then making a decision.