Infatuation Vs. Love

codependency infatuation love relationships toxic relationships Aug 27, 2021

The beginning stages of any relationship are filled with smiles, good times, and idealizing. We fantasize what could happen and project what we want to have happen. We focus on what we want to see instead of seeing what is really in front of us. This is where if you are not careful you will overlook red flags. You will see what you want to see rather than seeing who you are dating. 

Therefore, working on yourself to be healthy, whole and healed prior to dating is essential. Without that backup support you will always pick a person based on where you are at emotionally and mentally.  

In the early stages of dating, you do not know your partner. You develop an idea of who you think they are and feed that dream. The attraction is high and all you want to do is be with this person. You have not yet experienced life together, disagreements, or hard moments. There has not yet been a period of sharing your life with this person. They have not yet exposed themselves to you so you can view their true self. You have not seen their wounds and inner triggers. Nothing has happened that creates certainty that this person is right for you. All that you know is that you have butterflies around them. 

We often experience a physical and “chemical” attraction to this person during the infatuation stage of the relationship. Our emotions run high, and we are charged up with a yearning to want to be together. Every relationship goes through this initial phase, and some can often keep going back to it throughout the course of their relationship. Infatuation is about the fantasy; it is about the “what ifs” of any new relationship. Infatuation is also about idealizing who you think a person is since you have not yet “seen” them yet. 

Love is about being real. Love is about being authentic and showing a person who you are. It is about being comfortable in your own skin. It is about not fearing being vulnerable with another. It is about exposing all parts of yourself; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Relationships come with a few necessities, one being acceptance. Accepting a person does not mean you have to be in a relationship with them, but it does mean that you see what is in front of you. Acceptance means you are mature and healthy enough to determine if what you are witnessing is something that is good for you. 

The difference between infatuation versus is love is a decision you make, and infatuation is about the fantasy of love. While love is an emotion it is also a decision. The emotions you feel will come naturally because we are emotional creatures. With love though comes the logical decision to love the person in front of you. Deciding to stay and love becomes a decision you make instead of an emotion you feel. If you are healthy that decision is based on a logic, not emotion. 

Even though relationships are a combination of both healthy infatuation or the honeymoon phase, it is more about accepting and loving someone regardless of the fantasy person you want them to be. It is about seeing our wounds, flaws, and baggage (within reason) and loving them regardless. It is about understanding that they are not perfect, and neither are you, but it does also mean not taking less than what you deserve. 

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