Narcissistic Fathers

How can you tell if your father is a narcissist? If he is, how do you handle this? Like all narcissists, being extremely self absorbed is a common sign, and narcissistic fathers are no different. They have a tendency to not be there for their children emotionally, and maybe not physically either depending on the situation. These fathers are empty inside and have a huge sense of entitlement. These are not hands-on parents, so maybe they work a lot or just don’t want to parent. They are not heavily involved in their children’s lives — school, sports, activities — because they just don’t have the capacity to be.

Narcissistic fathers typically do not get down on the floor and play games with their kids. You won’t catch them playing with Barbie dolls with their little girls or video games with their boys. Non-narcissistic parents play with their kids hours on end because that’s what their child wants. It’s not about what the parent wants to do, it’s about their child. This is something you will not see with a narcissistic father. They don’t do what they don’t want to do.

When it comes to narcissistic fathers, he could be one who is obsessively involved because the child is giving this father something. The child has a light and the narcissistic father feeds off of that light. But there is a catch. An example is if the child is an amazing musician, and the father doesn’t see value in this talent, he will not get involved with it at all. He wouldn’t be proud because it’s not something he values. A narcissistic father doesn’t have the ability to give unconditional love. They will only be involved if they deem it to be important. Then you have the narcissistic father who isn’t involved at all. Regardless of the narcissistic father, both these types of fathers will be front and center for every great thing the child does, portraying an image that it appears that he was there for everything through good times and bad.

The hands-on narcissistic father got supply from the child. He’s obsessed with how things look to outsiders. The child must appear and behave certain ways. It’s like a game of show and tell — look at me and think everything is amazing type of mentality. It’s important to these fathers to portray an image of the perfect family, because he is very vain and self absorbed. This dad loves to show off to the world. He enjoys showing his kids off for their achievements, brains, looks, etc. And while these dads will shout out their praise to the world, their children will not likely hear it inside the home behind closed doors. This is the dad who wants to take you places with his friends so he can brag about you.

What’s important to remember is that this is about the father’s own insecurities and about creating the image of the perfect life. You will never hear this guy talk about any struggles because he doesn’t want anyone to know there could be anything wrong in his perfect appearing life. He wants to maintain the image of having the best of the best in everything, that he is the most important person, and that his family is so perfect. There is no substance to these types of people.

The children, at some point in time, very likely heard their father putting other people down, judging others and gossiping heavily. As a child, you wouldn’t know there’s a difference unless you have another important person in your life who is showing you the other side; such as a mother or grandparent. Narcissistic fathers are insecure. Their praise of their children is an extension of the child. It’s not genuine praise coming from a place of appreciation and pride. Maybe as a child of a narcissistic father you felt loved but it’s not the same type of loving feeling you got from your mother or other close relative.

The hardest part of this is when you start to see that everyone around this person thinks the narcissist is absolutely amazing and perfect and they think he has the perfect life, when in fact you know otherwise.