Rebuilding After Divorce

Rebuilding your life after divorce or a major breakup can be challenging, but there are some tips that can help in the rebuilding process. I want to go over some of the things that helped me to get to where I am now. I have been through divorce, and was single for four years after. In that time, I built a business and had a baby (my son was very young when I got divorced.) I did not have a lot of friends or family nearby to help me out, so it was challenging.

I talk about self parenting a lot and I think it’s something everyone needs to learn to do. It’s mental health 101. While this isn’t about self parenting, one of the things within self parenting is being patient with yourself. The most important thing to always remember is you must be patient with yourself throughout this process.

Allowing yourself to feel and channel your emotions in a healthy way is very important. There will be ups and downs, so you must allow yourself to feel. You’ll have days where you are angry, and days where you are drained. Remember, you are a human being, and need to be patient with your feelings and the process. Patience and grieving go hand-in-hand, so you have to learn how to let go and heal and be OK with the new things that are happening in your life (such as your kids not being with you every holiday.)

Having to go through this type of transition isn’t easy. It’s a lot to handle all at once, and not fun, but it’s part of the process. You must learn how to let go and heal. It all gets easier with time, but you must practice patience.

Another huge part of rebuilding yourself after divorce is looking at all areas of your life to see what needs to be worked on. Maybe it’s your social life, your health, romance, finances, or friendships, or maybe a little of all those things that needs some focus and positive change. There’s always going to be an area that needs some work. Choose one area you want to tackle first and focus on that.

Mindset is likely an area that needs some work, as well. Every thought you have will either help you or hurt you. The pain you are feeling from the divorce and all the new life changes is part of it. You must go through the pain and allow yourself to feel it. You have to have a logical part of you that knows you can rebuild and have a better life.

You may look at this divorce as the worst thing that can happen, but if you can remove all the pain for a minute and look at your life as a whole, you will see there is a blank slate waiting for you and that can be a very exciting thing. Feed your mind daily, because mindset is a huge part of the rebuilding process. You can either let the pain take over or you can have an amazing life. You get to choose. You hold the control in your life.

After divorce, you need to learn to enjoy your new life. Maybe that sounds easy, but it does take some work at first. Travel, hang out with friends, go out to dinner; whatever makes you happiest. Just be sure to make the best of the situation. It’s important to build a life you love before trying to meet and date someone new.

Think about how you would like your life to look — career, money, friendships — what’s missing? What needs to be focused on for some positive changes? Focus on one area at a time, and remember it’s a blank slate and a new start for you to create the life you want.

You need to ask yourself, “Am I still angry about the life I thought I was going to live and the fact that it ended?” Is it anger that you want to choose or do you want to choose better, such as changing your mindset to think that while maybe this isn’t how you planned it to be, something good is coming. Being able to work hard and not see immediate results will build a muscle within you that will allow you to tackle anything that comes your way.

Understand and accept that you are in a state of transition. Lean on friends and family, get the support you need, and continue moving forward toward your new life. This is your time to be selfish and work on yourself. Get motivated and always keep in mind that something great is on the way for you. Your mindset has to be in the right place, and you must have a lot of self worth, and know you are worthy of better than what you had. Be hopeful for your future, because your future is bright.