Signs It Is Time To Move On

breakup dating letting go relationships Mar 04, 2022

Ending a relationship can be scary, whether it is saying goodbye to an old friend or leaving a relationship that you spent months or even years developing.

All relationships have ups and downs, and we try to ride them out, believing that the bad times can't last forever. Sometimes though, being in a relationship can be worse on your mental and emotional health. We know the big signs it's time to move on; continuous lying, cheating, abuse, etc. But here are some signs that are easy to miss that tell you it might be time to move on from your relationship.

Promises And Trust Is Repeatedly Broken

They continually break your trust. This goes beyond not trusting what they say and the promises they make. Time and time again, you give them chances and find that they continually take advantage of you. These breaks in trust can be blowing off another date night to hang out with friends, lying about where they are, or are always coming home later than when they say.

It can be little things that slowly build up. Where they can make even the smallest of promises and then are always unable to follow through for some reason. Sometimes, it can be for a seemingly good reason, such as work, other obligations, or even they genuinely forgot. There will be times in our life when we inevitably break a promise. However, the key to keep in mind is if promises and trust are broken consistently. If you find that you are always justifying their actions (or lack thereof), it is time to step back and begin looking at the bigger picture and see if a pattern emerges. 

Words Do Not Equal Actions

If you find that what your partner is saying is different than what they are showing you. This is along the same lines of breaking trust, but this digs a little deeper. When there is a disconnect, we see that their actions undermine what they say. Let's say you met someone and you two spend time together, sleep together, and share emotional intimacy. You go out on dates, spend holidays together, and you feel this deep connection to them. However, your partner says that you two are just having fun or your only friends with benefits. They are showing this emotional connection, but they are refusing to commit; they are disconnecting what they say the relationship is with what they are showing you it is. You end up receiving mixed signals because they want to be with you, but they refuse to put a real commitment or label on the relationship. The same can be done in the exact opposite way too. They can say that they love you and want to be with you, but they blow off your nights together, flirt with other people, and use their actions to tell a different story.

You're Unable To Grow

We often think of personal growth as a necessity for younger people. After we reach adulthood, we have these other milestones to hit; a good job, relationship, home, family, and so on. Then once we find ourselves in a relationship or family, we become focused more on our growth as a unit, and it is easy to forget that we need to work on our personal development throughout life. 

Relationships we see as a way to grow as a couple, but relationships can become an issue if you find that you are unable to grow as an individual. This is more than being caught up in life, it is being stuck in a cycle, and no matter how hard you try to break out, you can't. It is about not being able to meet your needs and not being able to be open about those needs. We forget that we need to have time to ourselves as individuals to learn and address our needs as they develop. As we go through life, we need to learn and grow into our ever-developing roles as adults, professionals, girlfriends, wives, mothers, etc. All the while, we need to keep in mind what we need as individuals, outside of these roles.

The Relationship Is Not 50/50

We can also see a disconnect within established relationships when there is an imbalance of effort. When we are with someone, the relationship should be split evenly or close to. Both people need to put effort into making the relationship work. When the relationship is not 50/50, that means that someone will be putting in the extra effort. This could be picking up the additional responsibilities and household tasks to putting in the extra emotional labor for your partner.

When Your More Afraid Of Being Alone Than Losing That Relationship

This will probably be your biggest clue; it's not a red flag, but something you need to look deep within yourself to understand. When we enter relationships, we can do so for various reasons, love, emotional connection, intimacy, financial stability, etc. None of these are exclusive, and none are inherently wrong reasons. The biggest reason you should want to be in a relationship is that you have a desire to be with that person, not to fill a void within yourself. 

Look deep within yourself and see how you feel about your relationship. Do you find that you live more in the past than the present? Do you find yourself staying in the relationship because of all the time and memories you have built together over the years, but can't think of a recent time when you were genuinely happy? How long has it been since you were happy? Weeks? Months? Years? Does the relationship bring more pain than happiness? Are you more afraid of losing the person or being alone? Look within yourself to see why you are in the relationship and if it is something you actually want.

Apathy

Another big sign is that you don't care anymore, nor do you want to work on the issues in the relationship. It is reaching that point of apathy where you couldn't care less if that person was in your life or not. This can be the case of simply growing too far apart, to wanting to move on to the next chapter of your life. You are simply in the relationship because that is what you know. You deserve to be in a relationship where you love and feel loved. If you are at that point where you or your spouse no longer care about the relationship and working through the issues is not an option, then it is time to move on.

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