The 5 Stages of Manipulation in Relationships: Recognize and Break Free
Sep 30, 2024
Have you been feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells around someone? Are you receiving mixed signals—one moment they’re nice, and the next, they’re mean? If this sounds familiar, you’re likely caught in a cycle of manipulation, and it’s time to take control before you lose your sanity.
Manipulative people can be difficult to spot at first glance, but you can often identify them by how you feel around them. If you’re constantly exhausted, feeling guilty without reason, or doing things for someone against your will, you might be under the influence of a manipulative person.
The 5 Stages of Manipulation
Manipulators often follow a predictable pattern. Understanding these five stages can help you recognize and break free from their influence.
- The Appeal Phase: Buttering You Up
The manipulation starts with the Appeal Phase, where the manipulator “butters you up.” They’ve likely studied you, learning your insecurities and what you want to hear to feel good about yourself. This is when you experience the highs of the relationship—those moments that make you feel on top of the world. However, it’s important to pay attention to what happens after the high fades. The hallmark of a toxic relationship is the rollercoaster of highs and lows.
- The Bully Phase: Pushing Their Agenda
After the Appeal Phase comes the Bully Phase. Here, the manipulator begins to push their own agenda—whether it’s their wants, needs, or concerns. They start to test what they can get away with asking of you. If you’re someone with poor boundaries, you might find yourself giving too much and feeling utterly exhausted. The manipulator might approach this phase with force or subtle persuasion, depending on what has worked with you in the past.
- The Guilt Trip Phase: Twisting the Narrative
Once you start resisting, the manipulator moves into the Guilt Trip Phase. This is where they try to make you feel wrong, bad, or selfish for standing your ground. They twist the narrative, blaming you for their feelings and actions, making you question your decisions and boundaries.
- The Plead Phase: Negotiation and Begging
If guilt doesn’t work, the manipulator might move to the Plead Phase, where they begin to negotiate or beg. They’re not eager to reach this stage but will try it as a last-ditch effort to get what they want. If you’re codependent or emotionally wounded, this is where you might start to fold, giving in just to restore peace.
- The Outrage Phase: Full-Blown Anger
When all else fails, the manipulator enters the Outrage Phase. They lash out, attacking you personally, dredging up old issues, or making up lies to make you feel bad. After their outburst, they often storm off, leaving you to deal with the emotional aftermath. If you chase after them or try harder to please them, you’re playing right into their hands.
How to Get Off the Manipulation Ride
If you recognize these stages in your relationship, it’s time to take action:
- Stop Pretending You’re Happy: Acknowledge your true feelings and stop masking your unhappiness.
- Evaluate the Relationship: Ask yourself if this relationship is worth having. (Hint: Any relationship that makes you consistently unhappy probably isn’t.)
- Practice Good Boundaries: If you can’t escape the relationship, start setting and enforcing boundaries. Consistent boundary-setting will teach the manipulator that they can no longer get away with their old tricks.
By recognizing these stages and taking decisive action, you can break free from the cycle of manipulation and regain control of your life. Remember, your happiness and well-being should always come first.
