The Same Relationship Patterns
Jul 22, 2024
We all must admit that after a breakup, especially a painful, gut wrenching one, we all should probably self-reflect. This is the time where you look at who you were really with and look at yourself. Most people have no interest in that second part. They just want to move along without doing any work on themselves. For me, I am not that person. I was ready to never make the same mistakes I had made in the past that caused me to attract this guy who was emotionally unavailable and did not ever love me the way I wanted and deserved to be loved.
So, let’s break down the intentional changes I made to stop this cycle.
- Prioritizing My Own Happiness
I realized that constantly seeking a relationship was preventing me from finding true happiness. Instead of immediately looking for a partner, I began to focus on my own well-being and joy. This shift in focus allowed me to understand what made me happy outside of a relationship.
- Letting Go of Comparisons
I stopped comparing my life to others and putting pressure on myself to be at a certain point by a certain age. This mindset change was crucial because it removed the desperation to find someone quickly, which often led to choosing the wrong person out of fear of being alone.
- Self-Validation and Self-Care
I started to validate, soothe, and encourage myself. The desire for a relationship was partly due to a lack of self-love. By giving myself the attention and care I needed, I reduced the craving for external validation and love.
- Clarifying My Needs
I took a serious look at what I truly wanted in a partner. Identifying the core qualities, I sought in a person helped me avoid settling for less. This clarity made it easier to recognize when someone wasn’t a good fit.
- Discovering New Attractions
My perception of what I found attractive in a person changed. By focusing on deeper qualities rather than superficial traits, I began to appreciate attributes that aligned more closely with my values and long-term goals.
- Communicating My Needs
I became comfortable with expressing my needs and desires openly. Understanding that my partner is not a mind reader, I made it a point to communicate clearly and assertively about what I required in a relationship.
- Learning from Past Mistakes
Reflecting on my past relationships, I identified where things went wrong. This introspection wasn’t about blaming myself but learning from experiences to avoid repeating the same mistakes. Growth comes from understanding and addressing past issues.
- Embracing Positivity
I started believing that good things were meant to happen to me. It would have been easy to accept defeat and think that my past choices defined my future. Instead, I chose to rewrite my story, believing that I deserved better and that good things were on the horizon.
Believe me none of this was done in one day, but these were the things that helped me ‘find me again’ and become healthy. It was time to heal and time to rebuild.
