What Happens When a Narcissist Knows You've Figured Them Out

mentalhealth narcissist relationships Feb 22, 2021

How Will They React When You Know Who They Are?

If you are reading this, chances are you know the truth about someone in your life. You’ve been trying to figure this person out, and all of a sudden, you started to realize they are a narcissist, emotionally unhealthy, toxic; not good for you.

What happens when you come to this realization and it’s being known in your relationship with this person? Basically you’re starting to hold this person accountable and beginning to expose them for who they actually are, because they are not the person you thought they once were. What happens now? How will they react now that you have begun to call them out on their actions?

One of the most important things to understand when you realize this is that every narcissist or toxic person will react differently to you exposing them and holding them accountable. They will use different tactics and approaches in order to deal with what’s happening in the relationship.

You were a very good source of narcissistic supply for this person and now you’re no longer a good source of supply because you are exposing them. You’re doing all the things a narcissist absolutely dreads, and they don’t want anyone in their life who exposes them for who they really are, holds them accountable for their actions, or forces them to take responsibility for themselves. Now that you are switching gears, there’s going to be backlash that will happen.

Since a narcissist is actually addicted to having a supply and needs it in order to live, they will be withdrawing. Narcissistic supply can be looked at as control. They want to control what you think of them, what others think of them and how you will treat them so they’ll be happy. That’s what supply is — giving the narcissist everything they want to hear, sweeping everything under the rug. If the narcissist can control everything, they don’t have to worry about people abandoning them. If they can control a situation, they are not in a vulnerable state because they are in control. The narcissist will get angry and use different tactics to punish you but what they really want to do is to prove you wrong; especially to the people around you.

If you were dating someone and the relationship ended, no matter if you got discarded or if you left on your own, they will immediately jump into another relationship because of the withdrawal of supply. They will flaunt it to everyone. They need to prove you were the problem; it wasn’t them and it was you who did something wrong. I see so many people get discouraged after a relationship ends and the narcissist gets into another relationship because it’s hurtful, but it has nothing to do with who you are or anything you did. It has everything to do with their insecurity and you are no longer a good source of supply.

What begins to happen once you figure this person out is you will begin to see pure evil. You will see this person as you never have before. The attitude will be the total opposite of what it was in the beginning of the relationship. What is done in a narcissist rage can be extremely dangerous. This is like any disorder or disease in the sense that because they are going through a withdrawal and you took away their favorite toy — you — and you’re exposing them — showing the world who this person is, that will cause this person to go into a serious rage. This rage is a coping mechanism that they had in order to deal with what is happening. You are showing the world that they are not perfect, and that goes against the entire image they try to portray and the character they are playing. A narcissistic rage can cause physical abuse, verbal abuse, violence, bullying, relentless in what they want, gaslighting, rumors being spread, and they use the “I’m the victim” approach. It can really go any way.

Once the rage subsides a little, they will go back into their normal tactics. They will go right back into manipulation to gain some control over what you think and what others think of them. Cruelty happens because they know you still know who they are. They will do cruel things to get under your skin to expose who you are. They start to pick at you because they know where your wounds are and what to do to get under your skin. They will provoke you, show you that you are not important.

They want to get under your skin but you cannot react. If you react it will make you feel better and then they get a high off of your suffering. It makes them feel important. It’s a high, the same as giving them admiration and love. It’s not different than you becoming entangled in the drama and becoming enraged. A narcissist needs attention whether it’s negative or positive.

If you are co-parenting with a narcissist, this is where they will say, “You can’t talk to your children because I have them.” And they will withhold information and financial stuff from you to hurt you.

No matter what, remember that the threats, bullying, and being childish is the result of the fact that they have been exposed and they want to do anything to hurt you. If they start with little things like being vindictive or bullying you and you never react, they will keep coming with bigger guns. It’s extremely difficult to deal with this person in a rage. Once you know who a person is and they’ve been exposed, you will read this and think yes this happened to me. Even with your wall up, it’s going to come back bigger and bigger until eventually the narcissist learns that they cannot break you.

You have to teach people who the new you is and what you will and will not tolerate. It can take a really long time though. You must keep at it though because at some point it will eventually stop.

If you are in any kind of relationship with this person and they can sense that the manipulation is starting to work even a little bit, next comes the love bombing, guilt and fear. If you haven’t left the relationship and you slowly start to figure this person out, you will start setting boundaries and hold them accountable, so they will find a new source of supply. They will do this quickly. Once they mentally jump ship in their mind, the discard will happen but a discard will never happen until they find a new source of supply.

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