Why Getting Over a Narcissist is So Hard
Nov 04, 2024
You’ve probably heard people say things like, “You need to move on,” or “They didn’t deserve you anyway.” Maybe someone even said, “He’s a jerk.” While well-meaning, these comments don’t capture the complexity of getting over a narcissist. It’s not just about walking away—it’s about unlearning the love you once felt for them. Here’s why moving on from a narcissist is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, and how you can begin the process of healing.
1. You Haven’t Fully Grieved
One of the biggest reasons you’re struggling to move on is because you haven’t allowed yourself to fully grieve. When a narcissistic relationship ends, it’s not just the person you’re losing—it’s the future you envisioned with them. Grieving is about letting go of the “what ifs” and coming to terms with the fact that what you hoped for won’t happen. It’s a necessary step in healing, even though it’s painful.
2. You Were in Love with a Fantasy
A common reason it’s hard to get over a narcissist is because you weren’t truly in love with *who they are*—you were in love with *who they pretended to be*. Narcissists are masters of creating the perfect façade, becoming everything you ever wanted in the beginning. When they eventually reveal their true selves, it feels like a betrayal. But the person you’re struggling to let go of is a fantasy, not the real version of them.
3. There’s No Closure
Closure is something we all crave, but when you’ve been with a narcissist, it’s almost impossible to get. Whether they discarded you or ended things abruptly, you might find yourself stuck, waiting for an apology or an acknowledgment of their mistakes. Unfortunately, closure rarely comes in these situations, and holding on to the hope of it only prolongs your healing. Accepting that you may never get closure is a difficult but necessary step toward moving on.
4. You Got Your Sense of Self from Them
In a narcissistic relationship, you may have relied on them for your sense of self-worth. Narcissists often make you feel like your value is tied to their approval, and when that’s taken away, it can feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself. Rebuilding your self-worth from within is one of the most important parts of healing. You need to learn to validate yourself, rather than relying on someone else for that sense of value.
5. Your Confidence is Shattered
A common effect of narcissistic abuse is shattered confidence. Over time, they may have made you feel incapable or unworthy, leaving you with self-doubt. Now that they’re gone, you may feel like you’re left picking up the pieces of your identity. But the truth is, your confidence can be rebuilt. Healing takes time, self-compassion, and a willingness to rediscover the person you truly are.
Final Thoughts: Healing Takes Time, But You Will Rebuild
Getting over a narcissist is hard. It’s not just about letting go of a person; it’s about healing the wounds they left behind and rediscovering yourself. But know this: you have the strength within you to rebuild. Each day is a step toward reclaiming your power, your confidence, and your future.
Ready to begin your healing journey? Join my free course on Creating Healthy Boundaries and learn how to communicate your standards, enforce your boundaries and stop living in fear. Start setting the boundaries you need to protect your heart and heal your confidence.